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On hindsight, maybe this is all good. I miss you but i feel better and better each day. I've always known that in so many areas, i'm not made for you, and you, for me. But i guess i never wanted to acknowledge all those factors because i was so comfortable with us that i'd rather put up with things.
Now that you've made that step for me, i think the best thing to do would be to try to move on from all this. It doesn't mean i don't love you anymore. I do, i always will. But i know i need to be a little bit more mature about this instead of forcing it. I don't want to force things into your hands/heart anymore- not that it ever shook you- but i'm really very tired of getting pushed away and feeling disappointed. I know that i deserve to feel better than this. I deserve better than all this.
I don't want to be waiting around for you anymore. I'm not going to let my life and my thoughts and my schedule revolve around you. All this is no longer going to be solely your decision as to whether you want it, or not. I'm tired of letting you feel like i'm always there for you to push around. I'm not going to be anymore. I want to be my own. This is all hurting me very much but i know i'm strong enough to be alright.
I still care for you, tons. I still want to hang out with you. I'm still going to be your friend, probably your close one since we still got to go aussie together. And i guess we'll see how things go from there... What's meant to be will be, right?
For now, thanks for everything. You taught me alot. I would have never learnt to be this strong without you.
See you Sat! Enjoy your last 2 plus days there! :) |
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| I'm actually proud of myself for getting through this.
.
I wish i wasn't leaving.
I don't know how i ever thought that i could bear to leave everything and everyone here. |
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| Everything's measured in time to me.
And tempus fugit..
"But meanwhile it flees: time flees irretrievably,
while we wander around, prisoners of our love of detail".
Georgics |
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1. I think you should know that though it may be working now, it's not always going to be like that. And sometimes seeing how smug you are makes me feel quite annoyed. And i really think it's quite insensitive to act that way in front of me.
2. I know you care for me and that is so heartwarming :) :) I'm lucky to have you and knowing that you know me inside out and still not seeing me differently... I don't deserve all this.
3. Yes, we are having problems. It's alot bigger than you think. Thanks for offering to help me.. but this is really our own battle to fight. And maybe you know? How he feels towards me is how i feel towards you. Sigh.
4. You have got to know what you really want and why you even want it. Don't choose this for the wrong reasons. And think of the long term plans. Is all this worth it? Honestly? Is this what is best for you?
5. I don't know how to change myself for you. And yes, i do think you are worth it and worth the wait and the pain and the risk. I just wish i could be there for you like you have been for me. You are my dreams and my past and my future. You are my promises and my fear and my love and my best friend in the whole wide world. And i miss you. I want to know you. |
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